Stuff people say in the Midwest

Camper Girl

I walk into the campground office at the Rice River campground just outside of Minneapolis. A young woman is working the desk. I ask about rates, sites, etc and then tell her I want to take a campsite. She asks for my vehicle registration.

Camper Girl: Wow, you’re from Canada. We never have people from Canada camping here.

Me: Well, guess today’s your lucky day then.

Camper Girl then asks for something with my address and photo on it. I give her my HK/International drivers license.

Camper Girl (studies it for a long time.): There’s no address on here.

Me: Yes there is (pointing it out)

Camper Girl: Sai….Ying….Pun. Is that even a word?

Harley

I’m nearly falling asleep on the road somewhere in Indiana, so I pull over at a corner store in some small town. An old guy is sitting up front on a bench, a huge Harley Davidson parked next to him. I can see he’s talking to me, but I have ear plugs and a helmet on, so I’m deaf. I finally unplug my ears.

Me: What were you saying?

Harley (in a measured voice, making it clear he’s repeating himself): I said, my God you’re loaded down with shit. Do you have a wife along or something?

Me: No, but I’m on the road for 6 months, so I’m carrying a lot of stuff.

Harley: I’ve seen a lot of women travel lighter than that.

Me: Thanks. (I later get my revenge by proving him wrong on geography. He was convinced I had to drive down the Baja Peninsula to get to Central America. I pointed it out on the map. He was wrong.)

Hairy Chest

I stop for gas at a small roadside station somewhere along the 224 in Ohio. It’s ungodly hot out. And older guy gets out of a car filled with about 6 generations of the same family. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned way down low, showing a chest of curly white hair.

Hairy Chest: So. Going on a bit of a trip, are you?

Me: Yea. On my way to New York and then to Argentina.

Hairy Chest: Really? Wow. Great trip. Nice bike. You drive safe now. (wanders back to the car.)

Hairy Chest (to woman in car): Mary! That guy is driving that motorcycle all the way to Argentina!

Mary: Well I say!

Hair Chest: Isn’t that something?

Mary: It sure is.

Hairy Chest (leans on car, scratching is chest. Then turns back to the woman leaning out of the window. ) Mary, where is Argentina?

Red Truck

Same stop, same station. Five minutes later, and I’m putting my helmet on, getting ready to ride on. A red Dodge Dakota truck pulls up. Guy leans out of the window.

Red Truck: Nice bike! You look like you’re going a ways.

Me: Yea, I am. I’m doing a 6 month ride down to Argentina.

Red Truck: Holy Q#$#%#$! That’s a long ride. Alone?

Me: Well, for most of the way, yea.

Red Truck: Well, you have fun. (Starts to pull away, I walk back to my bike. Red Truck stops, leans out of his window.) Hey!

Me: Yea?

Red Truck: Is Argentina south of Mexico?

Me: Yea, it’s all the way at the southern tip of South America.

Red Truck: Oh.

 

Across America

I’m in Ohio, on my way to NYC. Time to backtrack and tell you how it all began.

I set off on Monday…but I only rode as far as a muddy riverbank outside of Niverville. Where the Red and Rat rivers meet is where, in 1874, my Great-Great-Grandfather and his 9-year old son arrived by riverboat from S. Russia along with about 35 other families. That’s where I stopped for my first night, and was joined by about 20-25 friends and family, including an impressive showing of my uncles and aunts. We built a fire and Menno Kroeker retold the story of that first landing. My aunties gave me schnetjie and honey, jereischte tveiback and a guardian angel. Then everyone left, the fire died, and I crawled into my tent for the night.

My father and I at the start of the journey

In the morning I was off. I skipped across the Canada/US border, making jokes that the guards didn’t find funny in the least. Then I zig zagged my way south, sticking mostly to secondary roads, where I speeded and enjoyed the curves. I camped my first night just outside of Minneapolis, having made more than 700km for the day.

First night of camping

I set off again, taking the very scenic 35 down the west side of Wisconsin before cutting east to Chicago. I’d made 800km by the time I arrived in Wilmette. There I found my old friend Chris Hipschen, his wife LIza and children Harry and Jennifer. I hadn’t seen Chris in 12 years. He looked just like he did when he lived on my couch in Chicago, and we had a lot to catch up on. A warm bed, good meal, a few beers and many stories later I set off once again.

Day 3 wasn’t too great. It took me hours to get out of Chicago heading southeast, and then when I did get out I made the mistake of hitting a freeway to make up for lost time. I hate freeways, their traffic, their horrible human encampments at the exits. It is impossible to get food that is not deep-fried at any of these stops, and that is a fact. Too many big 4×4 family wagons careening along with one person inside, sucking away on a super big drink (only 29c to upgrade to XXXXXXXXXX-large!). For some reason the bike feels very uncomfortable on a big highway, although I go no faster than I do on a small road. She also does not like it, I guess. I got rained on, several times, and was miserable and my jaw ached from grimacing.

Finally, in early afternoon, I snapped out of it and found the 613 cutting across western Ohio. Much better. I’m still doing 110-120km/hr, but now the bike feels steady and safe, and I get to down shift and roar around curves, slow down and see all those pretty little American country towns. Sturdy red brick buildings, green lawns and so many American flags I sometimes wonder if they grow wild around these parts. The towns are really very nice. Late in the afternoon I rolled into yet another one of those towns and found a man washing his firetruck outside the firehouse, women and children hanging around outside in the sun. Oh, where have the 1950s gone? The fireman directed me to a hotel, and that’s how I ended up in Findlay, Ohio for the night, holed up in a dodgy motel where the front desk guy, an affable Indian, told me he’d never seen a Canadian motorbike before. Yea right, I bet he says that to all of them.

If you want more regular updates, see www.facebook.com/mennomoto or www.twitter.com/camerondueck

 

 

Rat River Sendoff

Menno Moto begins on the banks of the Rat River where it meets the Red River (near Niverville) on Monday night. This is where the 1874 Mennonites landed. There’ll be a historian on hand to retell the story. I’ll camp there for the night and then ride of in the morning. Join if you like, around 7-8 pm. Campfire, adventure tales, and Mennonite history.